Irony is My Dog's Middle Name

He was dead asleep.

I had to pee. 

He gets seperation anxiety.

I was going to put him in his crate.  Flashes of him drinking a bowl full of water flashed through my head... he would pee in his crate as soon as he realized he was alone.  I didn't want to clean up more puppy accidents today. 

The 5 year old in me reasoned that if I took him into the bathroom with me, he wouldn't cry or get scared and, most of all, he wouldn't pee.

I picked him up.  Put him down.  Dropped my pants and did my business.

And so did he... as he stared at me as if to say "You're a fucking grown up. You know better."

Touché, Monty.  Touché!

Here's a Good Idea!!!

Get arrested and convicted.  Do time and be put on parole.  As part of your parole, you have to find a job.  In order to prove you're looking, you ask the HR reps to sign paperwork for the courts that say "yes I was here."

 

Hey, you should also show up RIGHT at check out time on the day that a huge convention leaves town.

 

Oh and even when you see the lobby is insanely busy and there's only one person behind the desk, go ahead and interrupt her, tell her to STOP assisting actual guests so she can make a phone call for you to prove to the courts that you're physically here because you know, you can't be trusted...

 

Nevermind that the girl behind the desk just told you that they don't offer public phones or make outside calls.  DEMAND to use it anyway.

 

When she declines, start yelling at her then ask for her manager.

 

Once the manager talks to you, leave. And on the way out, tell the valet that the girl behind the desk was a fucking bitch.

 

YEEEEAH!! 

 

Oh and forget the fact that you just gave that "fucking bitch" your parole officer's phone number. 

 

Surprise asshole... I really am a fucking bitch.

I Haven't Blogged In a While so This is My Monday Morning Moment of Zen

It's occurred to me that I haven't blogged in some time.  I'm falling behind on everything lately.  So here it is and it's bullshit!

 

"Sorry for the bad news, but chris has just ousted you as mayor of Mexican War Streets!
http://foursquare.com/venue/164402

Don't take it too hard - a few more check-ins and you could be back on top...

Good Luck!
- Your friends @ foursquare"

 

 At least I still have Starbucks.