I'm George!

Remember that episode of Seinfeld called "The Opposite" where George gets everything he wants by deciding to do the opposite of everything he's ever done because nothing ever works out for him? Jerry always breaks even and Elaine loses her job and boyfriend:

I looked in the mirror yesterday. My hair could use a trim, I still haven't gotten my contacts replaced so I'm dependent on my glasses. Its getting warmer out so I took a gander at my closet and realized my clothes are kind of tired. I still haven't cleaned up around here because I've been too mentally, emotionally and physically exhausted to deal with it. The boyfriend and I have been "out of sync" lately. I've had a few job interviews that went pretty well but inevitably resulted in receiving a rejection letter.

I've become George!

It's as terrifying as you might think! Send help! Please!