OMG its Alexei Ponikarovsky: Speak Ukrainian to Me, Baby!

The first time I spoke to Alexei Ponikarovsky, I wanted to take him home and lock him in my basement.

That probably sounds horrible. It is horrible. Its terrible, I take it back.

No I don't.

When I first started watching the Pens around this time last year, I was shocked by how many girls thought Geno Malkin was a total hottie or how sexy Sidney Crosby is. Like listen, ok... they're both great players. They skate like sex on ice (well Sid does, Geno sort of just falls over and still manages to get a shot off while he's on his ass)! I'll concede that I have a mad crush on Max Talbot but I would never, ever puck bunny out over any them.

These puck bunnies horrified me. Not only do they commit the most atrocious sin known to sports by wearing a man's number in pink, but they dress up in glitter, too much eye makeup, skinny jeans and heels then accessorize with an oversized tote bag, like this look is really going to get Flower to notice them in section E1. Or worse yet, they put on wedding dresses and wave signs that say, "Marry Me Sidney."

I was disgusted. These women make me ashamed to be a female fan...

Then they started talking about trading Luca Caputi for Poni and my eyebrows went up so high that they came off my face.

Ponikarovsky? From the Maple Leafs? One of my other favorite teams regardless of how bad they are? Like... MY Alexei Ponikarovsky? The same guy I was sighing over after he walked away from me last year or was drooling over when I sat in the ACC's version of E1 back in January?

Immediately, it became a no brainer. Daddy Shero HAD to pick up Poni. Of course, he'd be great with Feds and Geno on the 2nd line. God DUH!! Are you guys REALLY talking about Colby Armstrong when Poni's a prospect? Get out of here you know-nothing, Poni's the man. I caught myself getting overly excited about the option of Ponikarovsky coming to the Pens and reminded myself:

I'm a fan of the sport.

Thus, I am personally offended by how hot the Ukraine Train is because I refuse to turn into a blubbering 14 year old girl when I see him on my TV, suited up at a game or ...you know maybe wandering around by himself... whatever. It's like... my god, someone turn on the AC in here or tell me to stick my head out the window. Its a menace to my fandom! This is an outrage.

But its one that I'll gladly put up with.