Get arrested and convicted. Do time and be put on parole. As part of your parole, you have to find a job. In order to prove you're looking, you ask the HR reps to sign paperwork for the courts that say "yes I was here."
Hey, you should also show up RIGHT at check out time on the day that a huge convention leaves town.
Oh and even when you see the lobby is insanely busy and there's only one person behind the desk, go ahead and interrupt her, tell her to STOP assisting actual guests so she can make a phone call for you to prove to the courts that you're physically here because you know, you can't be trusted...
Nevermind that the girl behind the desk just told you that they don't offer public phones or make outside calls. DEMAND to use it anyway.
When she declines, start yelling at her then ask for her manager.
Once the manager talks to you, leave. And on the way out, tell the valet that the girl behind the desk was a fucking bitch.
YEEEEAH!!
Oh and forget the fact that you just gave that "fucking bitch" your parole officer's phone number.
Surprise asshole... I really am a fucking bitch.
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