Update: still dying. Went to Dr. No idea whats wrong with me. Gave me antibiotics, temp went up instead of down. Now nauceous (sp?) headachey and vomiting.

Life is good.

Psych! Text if needed, not getting out of bed... EVER!

Call of the Wild

I just set up mobile blogging via my phone. This is a test of how it works.

My hot-as-balls boyfriend has an artsy, not-so-secret admirer that works as an usher at Heinz Hall which is next door to our hotel. Being artsy with a crush and kind of insane , she drew a picture of my boyfriend... as a panda. The included picture is what it looked like. :)

It looks JUST like him, btw! lol! Personally, my favorite part is the hair.

Its Just Another Manic Monday

I'm convinced that I was targeted for some sort of biochemical warfare weaponry experiment.

Its positively ridiculous that the human body would do this to itself... if it was somehow self induced (i.e. if I was going through a heroin withdraw or detoxing off of cocaine or even hung over) I'd understand. But no, my body did this to itself because it got sick.

I'm sweating and achy. I'm exhausted but can't sleep. I have bursts of energy followed by a severe headache and confusion.

I'm dying!

I tried to get my hot-as-balls boyfriend to write my epitaph for me yesterday and he flat out declined so I made him promise to at least not let Mom do it. "Beloved Daughter" doesn't do it for me, I need something with pizazz! He did agree to write my eulogy though and then told me repeatedly that I wasn't going to die of the flu.

Which is why I'm convinced that its biochemical warfare and not just the flu now.

What happened to Matt Lauer's right arm? He's in a sling. Poor guy, he should be more careful when interviewing people like Octomom. Oh I guess a little Googling goes a long, long way (per my hot-as-balls boyfriend, the internet is strong with me anyway). Ask and thou shalt receive thy answer: Matt Lauer has Shoulder Surgery After Bike Spill.

Shame, the mental image of Matt Lauer getting attacked and pummelled by Octomom, 6 toddlers and 8 infants made me smile and I like Matt Lauer, I just hate that Today has become a total TV Tabloid. I just turned back to CNN when Meredith started talking about how 40 is the new 20... Baby Boomers making themselves feel better about getting old is dumb and they shouldn't subject us actual 20 somethings to it. We're 20, we're supposed to be idiotic and poor. At 40 if you're still idiotic and poor, you should count yourself lucky to still be alive.

Speaking of CNN, they've been playing clips of Inacio Lula da Silva talking shit about white people all morning. According to this, the Brazilian President, its white people's fault that the global economy has gone to shit. Listen, I played World of Warcraft with a bunch of Brazilians for like 4 years, as such I feel comfortable in saying that (in general) these people have no idea what they're talking about on any subject whatsoever. The fact that the BR president is telling us now that we're stealing his gold IRL is so epically funny that I can't even correctly process the situation in order to comment further. These idiots couldn't even get a 25 man together to kill Mag properly at level 70 but ooooooh its the white man with blue eyes' fault that their gear sucks and intend to fill President Obama in on that at the G20 Summit.

Fuck you, BR! Thats 20g for your enchant.

Also, God is Brazilian. GOOOOOOOOAL!

Oh here was a good Tweet I got from SenJohnMcNugget about 15 minutes ago:

SenJohnMcCainCalling for GM CEO to resign is unprecedented window dressing. GM needs restructuring as part of pre-negotiated bankruptcy package

Window dressing? Really?! I guess getting rid of a company's CEO isn't enough of a restructring process for our pal John McRunnerUp. If outting current decision makers in a company is just window dressing then what exactly would you have said company do to restructure, John? I guess you're right. I guess its a better idea to scrap making cars and start making pancakes instead.

I don't know why people say they hate Mondays. Mondays is when the real news starts happening again after the long weekend of trying to entertain ourselves for 48hrs.

Madonna wants to adopt a new baby. Why is this news? Who cares?! CNN stop being insane, PLEASE! People are protesting her, they used to do that here with her Sex book that she published back in the early 90s. Madonna getting protested isn't anything new! She just reinvents herself in order to keep getting people coming up with new sign ideas.

Speaking again of CNN, they just aired a clip of some drug dogs going through a tomato truck crossing the boarder from Mexico. Tomatoes were being thrown left and right, tipped over and thrown on the floor, stepped and drooled on by the dog... the salmonella scare from last year suddenly makes sense.

Edits and Updates to follow as I come up with more stupid stuff to complain about, I'm sure.

Edit (told you):
Back in August, my ExHusband shut off my cell phone without telling me prompting me to obviously have to go and get a new one. Since getting my new number, I've been getting barraged with phone calls from collections agencies, telemarketers and insanity for this guy: Travis Wallace.

Yeah, I sure did look him up on Facebook today. Then, I emailed him at the email address he has on file for contact information just asking if he had the number before I did and you KNOW he did, I mean how many Travis Wallaces are there in Pittsburgh ffs!? Unfortunately, he doesn't have a phone number listed otherwise I totally would just start giving it to the collections agencies bugging the hell out of me.

Guy looks like a total Yinzer.

Apparently he's in a band though, thats cool. Hopefully he'll get back to me. I mean, I really don't hold any anomosity towards this guy and wouldn't even pitch a fit about him starting to pay his bills and stuff (past letting him know that "Hey, I know you owe someone money so pay them plz and hi my name is Jen"). I just kind of want to get to know the guy I've been hearing about for almost 8 months now.

At least I have a face now.

The internet is definitely strong with me. :)

Another Update: That guy said it wasn't him. :( I don't know if I believe him. Crap!

Poetic Pisces: Now "As Seen on TV"

Thanks to Don Lemon on CNN for making my night by reading my Tweet to him on air:

donlemoncnn: "Death of the newspaper? do you need it? will you miss it? should newspapers be bailed out too?"

To which I replied:

"@donlemoncnn can't say I care about papers stopping the presses. Isn't this a green solution anyway? Clearly a sign of the times, imo!"

He even read the IMO! Oh man, Mr Lemon, you win sir. I was laying in bed trying to come up with an epitaph earlier today but now... now I think I'll be able to sleep a little more soundly tonight.

If only there were a video!

8pm Edit: Lemon read another of my tweets regarding the Final 4 in Detroit to wrap up the show.

"March Madness to round out the show. Do you think it will help Detroit?"

was the question.

and

"@donlemoncnn don't think it could hurt though the $ tourists pay won't go to the auto industry, it'll go to the hotels & restaurants."

was my answer. I'm totally an eCelebrity A-Lister now! Hizzah!

March 29, 2009: Update

In response to President Barack Obama's comment about his 129 bowling game being similiar to that of Special Olympians, local Special Olympians took to the lanes yesterday.

One Olympian interviewed said his average game was 125.

I think you can fill in the blanks on this one.

Since No One Else Wants to Say It, I Will: Earth Hour was a World Wide Joke!

I opted out of work this morning about 3 minutes before leaving. I called to see if I'd get in trouble for a short-call or something and when I was told that my coworker had no idea what the policies were, I nearly broke down into tears and said that I couldn't make it in.

I feel pretty bad about calling off last minute but then again, I feel pretty bad in general.

Right now, I'm actually writing this entry in bed on good, old fashioned paper with a pretty snazzy thing called a pen. I'll transfer it onto my new-fangled blog later on today... namely right now.

For now (aka 6:20am) its pouring out so I feel pretty confident in my decision to stay in bed. Which is where I actually am right now just counting down the minutes until I lose my breakfast.

I suddenly feel bad for making fun of my mom's hangover yesterday...

Although, that was self rather induced. Me, I probably picked this bullshit up from one of my dumb guests at work.

God I hate people!

Additionally, this whole writing from bed thing is annoying me. I don't know how my hot-as-balls boyfriend does it! When he writes, he definitely uses pad and pen... meanwhile my writers cramp is just serving to remind me of how very much I want a new laptop!

I think the idea of Earth Hour is really lame. I watched the Larry King interview with Edward Norton (twice) and wasn't moved at all or in fact even impressed by anything that he, as the US Ambassador for the event, had to say. He even admitted that this even wasn't a ways or means to fix the carbon output problem in the world, it was just a way to bring the world together in support of finding a solution to the climate control problem.

...and they say we shouldn't legalize pot...

I say that because the only person this idea would make any sense to is the person that is high and just expelled enough carbon from their lungs that turning off their lava lamp for an hour wouldn't matter anyways.

Hi Michael Phelps. :)

As I'm watching CNN this morning, I'm seeing that cities all across the globe actually did participate in this event, including Las Vegas...

Please refer back to my earlier comment about high people since Vegas' participation was certainly brought on by one of Mayor Oscar Goodman's drunken ramblings demanding some sort of apology from someone or another just to impress one of the 7 show girls he usually has on his arm.

Anyways...

I'm really glad to see that the world has come together to agree to do nothing. As soon as any thought is required on how to actually solve this problem, it'll turn into a political debacle and the buck will start getting passed from person to person to city to city and to country to country. All these hippie advocates were good at uniting the world to take no action, just spread awareness.

Thanks for putting us in the dark for an hour to advise us that there's a problem. All these go green projects had most of us confused. Basically, I'm convinced that the WWF is a bunch of idiots now, that's what Earth Hour accomplished for me.

In other news: this morning's storm lasted 10 minutes at most. The birds are now singing and I'm sure if I look outside the window as soon as the sun rises, I'll see a rainbow and leprechaun hopping around outside. I'm glad everyone else feels good while I'm sitting here sweating out the flu.

Is it wrong that I don't give a fuck about the weather in North Dakota when I live in South Western Pennsylvania? Its humid as fuck here and I'm actually trying to figure out if I'm legitimately sweating out this flu or if how I feel is due to the weather and the fact I'm not acclimated to it.

I got some one-on-one time with my one follower on this blog. Unfortunately, I "went to bed" (aka tried but ended up staying up and crying about how awful I felt) before reading everything she told me about herself. Since I'm good at eStalking people, I was able to find her Facebook easily and added her--much to her sweet surprise I might mention.

Its so cool having a fan.

Anyway, I did peek through her Facebook profile and holy smokes! If I could pick someone to be my fan, I'd be her! She reads (so I'm totally stealing her book list btw) and she likes Harry Potter and Tarot and Pittsburgh!

I'm so hooking up with this chick for some Sbux and conversation at sometime in the near future. This Girly Bromance is totally gonna blossom.

CNN just reported that there's a meningitis outbreak in Nigeria. I bet that's whats wrong with me.. there's a joke about the Nigerian internet scams in there somewhere and dammit I'm going to find it... albeit much later on today.

I'm so hopped up on vitamins and acetaminophen and other flu medicines but I'm still suffering from writer's cramp... oh the irony.

Oh hey! Meet the Press is on today cuz if its Sunday, its Meet the Press. Yay, I get to watch David Gregory this morning. :)

If I don't die first. :(

The Hotel Industry is a Joke!

Are you fucking kidding me...

I leave Vegas thinking that I'll be able to avoid all the insanity from some of the bigger, citywide conventions and WPXI just reported that Pittsburgh has actually started chasing these conventions to bring them here at a lower, cheaper rate than Vegas can offer.

Oh... good!

My hot-as-balls boyfriend called me last night after he got home from work to say good night. We have a date to go shopping for him on Wed since we're both off but he goes, "We'll have to get together before that, I can't wait that long to hang out with you."

I am smitten.

Its 8:30am. Why am I awake? I woke up an hour and a half ago because I had to pee really bad but then I saw that one of my ex-husband's friends started following me on Twitter. Since the internet is really serious business, I'm sort of taken aback by this. Why would she be interested in following me? I haven't spoken to her since he and I split up, I always thought she was cool as hell but at the same time--really? I mean, I'm not exactly what you'd call exceptionally fascinating.

On the other hand, I'm looking too much into this.

Today is the 2nd annual Earth Hour... well in the US anyway. From 8:30pm to 9:30pm, the World Wildlife Foundation is encouraging everyone to turn off their lights to save energy and spread the word on global warming and climate changes. The following letter is on the WWF's website:

Earth Hour

March 28, 2009 8:30 – 9:30 pm

A global event created to symbolize that each one of us, working together, can make a positive impact on climate change

March 28, 2009 at 8:30 pm tens of millions of people in hundreds of cities around the world will come together once again to make a bold statement about their concern about climate change by doing something quite simple—turning off their lights for one hour. Earth Hour symbolizes that by working together, each of us can make a positive impact in the fight against climate change. Here in the U.S., it sends a message that Americans care about this issue and stand with the rest of the world in seeking to find solutions to the escalating climate crisis.

Leading the charge
Earth Hour was first celebrated two years ago in Sydney, Australia, when 2.2 million people and thousands of businesses turned out their lights, allowing the message about climate change to shine brightly.

In March 2008, Earth Hour went global. More than 400 cities, thousands of businesses and over 50 million people around the world turned off their lights for one hour to demonstrate their commitment to slowing the effects of climate change. The movement captured the public’s imagination with lights going out at some of the world’s most iconic landmarks including the Sydney Opera House, Bangkok’s Wat Arun Buddhist temple, the Coliseum in Rome, Stockholm’s Royal Castle, London’s City Hall, New York’s Empire State Building, Sears Tower in Chicago and the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco. Other symbols going dark included Cola-Cola’s famous billboard in Times Square and the Google homepage.

Earth Hour 2009 will be the largest climate event in history
This year, the goals for Earth Hour are bigger because the stakes are higher. Already 250 cities in 74 countries have agreed to take part including Atlanta, Chicago, Las Vegas, Los Angeles, Miami and Nashville with more signing up every day. Around the world cities like Moscow, Hong Kong, Mumbai, Shanghai and Mexico City will turn out their lights in support.

But Earth Hour isn’t just for big cities—anyone can participate. To see what Earth Hour is all about, check out this video at www.youtube.com/watch?v=BjWD8pbK5t8.

By taking part in Earth Hour 2009, you’ll send a message that the US must act now to slow climate change. This is a critical year in the future of our planet as Congress takes a serious look at climate legislation and international agreements are set to be negotiated in Copenhagen in December 2009.

To sign up, visit www.earthhourUS.org where you’ll learn more including ways you can spread the word about Earth Hour, plus creative things to do when the lights go out.

"This is the perfect opportunity for individuals, governments, schools, businesses and communities around the world to unite for a common purpose, in response to a global issue that affect us all."
- Carter S. Roberts, President and CEO WWF

Earth Hour 2009. Turn out. Take action.

To become a sponsor or sign up to become a supporting Earth Hour city contact:

Meg Pearce
Project Director, Earth Hour USA
meg.pearce@wwfus.org
202-495-4631

Monica Echeverria
Director, Latin America

202-495-4631

Monica.echeverria@wwfus.org

Word! Cool idea but not exactly practical if you're someone like me. I need my internet and phone. Additionally, even if I did come along with this, wtf would I do for that hour? Sit around in the dark? Read by candle light? They should do this during the day so I can at least go shopping or down to the Strip District or idk... something else.

I wish I knew HTML coding. I want to customize the hell out of my blog but I have no idea how to mess with it. Its too intimidating.

Its supposed to snow on Sunday. WOOOOOOOO MARCH! What a bunch of douchebag weather. Christ! Come on, Mother Nature. Lets get our shit together!

I've been having crazy dreams about work lately which all include me either walking out on the job or somehow fighting with management. I can't imagine this bodes very well. Last night (in my dreams), my Front Office Manager decided to try and write me up for eating in front of a guest (???), they complained and said I was rude so they were trying to discipline me. I was really, really, really offended by this and with my deep sense of entitlement in my pocket, I pitched a fit and said, "You know what, fine. I quit!" and she started to cry.

I guess said dream is a representation of my feelings of unappreciation and yeah... entitlement: "Dude, let me get away with whatever I want or I'll just leave and you'll have to hire someone else." Pfft! LOL

WPXI is also covering a story this Monday about the "Bed Bug Problem" like this is new news or something. Through working at a hotel, I'm totally desensitized to issues like this since every hotel known to man has bed bugs. Google image Bed Bugs and see what you come up with. They're cool looking! ROFL!

Ugh, I'm going back to bed. I'm sick, I know it.

I Am High Class Yuppie Scum but I'm Too Poor to Prove It

I am a snob.

At least when it comes to traveling. Working at Bellagio has totally ruined me. Working for the best and striving to be the best in the hotel industry has served me very little purpose other than to demand that same sort of treatment at any and all hotels I go to.

Thus, putting me in charge of booking a hotel for a trip to Toronto is probably the best idea since I'll look for the best hotels and best deals and have no one to thank but myself if the room sucks, but it's also driving me fucking crazy!

Here's my dilemma: The closest Marriotts with Associate Rates available are 10 miles away from the heart of downtown Toronto. I don't want to be 10 miles away, I want to be IN Toronto and IN a fabulous room with great stuff to do in walking distance.

I also want this during an extremely busy tourist season for their city and I want it at the Associate's Rate of $59 - $89 depending on the resort.

I am every high maintenance guest I hate.

Anyway, going to Marriott.com, the rates aren't available. Not one to be deterred, I started calling my top 5 choices today to see if they could make exceptions from June 14 - June 17. Two properties flat out declined me, which is fine because it was like the Residence Inn and Marriott Bloor Yorkville (wherever the fuck that is anyway). Residence Inn did tell me to call back in about a month to see if they might have had cancellations so if I end up booking at the Airport Renaissance and Conference Center, I might have an in at Residence Inn after all.

Her name was Erin, she was nice.

I'm still waiting on emails from Renaissance Toronto Downtown, Marriott Downtown Eaton Square and the Toronto Courtyard. I really hope one of these people take pity on a girl who hasn't had a vacation in ages and just wants to do something nice for her hot-as-balls boyfriend's 30th birthday.

That said, I think I'm dying. I've woken up at 6am for the past 2 days shivering and in so much pain that its unspeakable. I am a 10 year old dog with arthritic hips. I tried taking my temperature today to see if I was running a fever only to find that my thermometer is broken. I just hope I can make it through today. I'm going to spend all day tomorrow in bed. It'll be great. Oh look, my glands are swollen. GREAT! I love being sick! This is the 3rd time this year. Hizzah!

Also: I want a laptop with a cute carry on bag so I can take it absolutely everywhere with me.

I am yuppie scum.

St Pauli Girl Serves Sarconis a Fistful of Jagerwurst. What?!

I had definitely made up my mind to not blog tonight.

It was a conscious decision, I have to admit. I came home from work exhausted, peeled off my clothes and then crawled into bed to call my hot-as-balls boyfriend and wish him goodnight. While I was on the phone with him, I got a call from one of my (if not the) best girlfriends from Vegas. She lives in Denver now with her boyfriend. They had a blizzard today so he had to get a hotel room because he couldn't drive home to her. So she's at home alone and on her 8th beer and fucking awesome because she called me! So, I called her back after hanging up with him and getting her voice mail explaining all the above to me along with a real-time reaction to my reply text message, "Sorry, I'm on the other line. xoxo"

In light of my excursion to the Hofbrauhaus, I'd changed my FB status to "Jennifer Mathieson wants a beer wench costume, anyone know a good place to find one? :)" to which she commented about a website called www.buycostumes.com.

Its a gold mine! I just got off the phone with her and we pretty much spent 40 minutes discussing all the different ways to keep our boys coming back. Its times like these where I really miss having good, sane girlfriends around. Most people are crazy but my Girlfriend In Denver is a fucking baller! I wish I could be as half as cool as her, total case in point: she knew about this website whereas I did not. Obviously, she's way sexier than I am but she's also a good girl to have in my corner to give me lessons.

She also knows about beer. Woot!

I'm totally buying one of these costumes for my hot-as-balls boyfriend, Oktoberfest and Halloween! Its too good to pass up. Then getting another one for St Patrick's Day next year. They're WAY too cute!

Speaking of online shopping: I am a master. My boy is not strong with the internet so when he can't find something by going to a mall, he'll tell me about it. In turn, I look like the hero by finding it online (along with a local retailer) in less than 5 minutes.

His most recent quest was to find a new pair of sneakers for summer. He was telling me a couple of days ago about a shoe brand that I'd never heard of called Sarconi which he used to wear in his early 20s. "They're very European and hard to find!" he said.

Pfft, no match for a Professional such as myself.

Unfortunately, he didn't give me a ton of information to work with... I had an idea of their insignia, a sort of clue as to what they were called and maybe how to spell it so when I sat down to start surfing, I wasn't really surprised when I couldn't find it immediately.

Deterred but not discouraged, I went to work brooding about how I'd failed at finding the object of my desire's desired object within the first 5 minutes of looking for it. I concluded that it wasn't my fault at all but clearly was his for not knowing his favorite type of shoe's name.

My gears turned for a few hours, how was I going to do this? Then, in the 10 o'clock hour at work, Mr Sitzmann decided to come say hello to me at the desk. And it hit me! Mr Sitzmann sells shoes for a living. Here was my opportunity!

Mr Sitzmann, however, was somewhat stumped until I mentioned that they were sneakers/running shoes. He was then incredibly helpful by pointing me towards Zappos.com and revising my original search query to "Saconney Sneakers" from Sarconi. Alas, upon googling the term Saconney Sneakers I still couldn't find what I was searching for.

I was now getting frustrated with myself. I'd never spent this much time looking for something online. I got home and fired up the old Dell here and started messing with the spelling of "Saconney." It went from "Saconney" to "Saccony" to "Saconey" at which point I got a hit on "Did you mean: Saucony Shoes?" And the insignia was the same.

It was like end of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade when he finally finds the Grail. I had such a massive sense of satisfaction, I had to call my hot-as-balls boyfriend to gloat.

That brings us back to the beginning of this blog... nice I just blogged in a circle.

I think Orlando must hate me by now. He called me while I was still at work and standing out in the cold to tell me about his 75 degree weather. Its supposed to snow here on Sunday. Mother Nature is more bitchy and tempermental than I am when I'm PMSing. But, I'd told Orlando that I was going to call him back in an hour and I definitely did not call him back in an hour. I feel like a dick. I'm just super tired by now and the only reason I'm still up is because I'm writing this right now.

I'm going to call him and at least leave him a voice mail if he doesn't pick up, he's a good guy and deserves better than how I'm treating him. I don't deserve such a good friend when I'm such an asshole to him. Ugh!

Jennifer Tilly's tits are still fucking huge. Jesus Christ!

Just What Pittsburgh Needed: A Biergarten!

My manager at work let me go home early last night, around 9:30pm. Since I felt like it had been way too long since I'd had a ton of fun, my hot-as-balls boyfriend totally picked me up from work and took me to Pittsburgh's newest (and as far as I can tell only) Biergarten.

This place is awesome and its easily my newest
favorite place to get drunk. The beer is cheap, the food is good and the atmosphere is awesome. Everyone has a great time and as soon as the word on the place gets out, its totally going to be standing room only. I drank a liter of Lager last night like it was nothing. My liter, plus soft pretzels and my burger came to a total amount of less than $30. Dude, such a deal.

Here's a picture:


Later on, the guys from this picture did what they call "Shotskis" and I took a video because its what I do:



I want to call off work today but I know that everyone there would make fun of me and call me a lush because they knew I wanted to go out drinking last night. I'm so totally not hung over but I am totally hurting (and not just because of my hot-as-balls boyfriend who's god damn amazing btw... just sayin) all over. My back, my legs, my skin, my hair, my nails, my feet, my shoulders... God everything on me just hurts so much! My boy even gave me a hot-as-balls backrub to go along with his own hot-as-ballsness, which worked for the time but Holy Cow.

Its raining. Its supposed to snow on Sunday. I wish this weather would sort itself out. Its really frustrating trying to deal with Mother Nature when she doesn't know what she wants to do.

I decided to scrap my plans for Niagara. We're going to go to Toronto instead. Working for Marriott was supposed to have a perk of special associate rates, etc but so far none of the Downtown Toronto Marriotts have associate rates available. WTF! What's the point if I have to go like 20 miles away in some suburb? I'm planning on talking to my manager today when I go into work to see if she can offer any advice since the Marriott site is no help. I can book on Expedia for cheaper then they're offering associates... methinks something is really stupid here.

We're also going to go to Montreal. Parlez-vous francais? :D Needless to say, I'm really excited about this!

So basically whats going to happen is this:

1. 6/13: Pit seats for No Doubt at The Post Gazette Pavillion.
2. 6/14: Check out of the hotel by the airport and drive to Toronto to check in
3. 6/15: Niagara Falls?
4. 6/16: Montreal?
5. 6/17: Check out and drive back home.

I just need to find a decent hotel. I'm such a snob when it comes to stuff like this, I don't want to pay $199/night for a room but I want all the fixin's that come with a hotel that costs that much. Right now, this looks like its going to be the best option but its 10 miles away! So frustrated! I'll just ask my boy what he thinks!

He's so cool. How did I get so lucky? I dunno but wow am I lucky or what?!!?

Ugh I gotta get ready for work... again! I don't wanna! :(

Hey! No, YOU Kiss My Lucky Charms!

When I first met my hot-as-balls boyfriend's mom, she told him that I dress better than she does. I took that as a huge compliment.

Today though, I'm not so sure its a good thing.

I was walking down 6th Street from Ft Duquesne this afternoon before work contemplating what delicious treat to get at Sbux in order to kick off my day which I had dedicated myself to being fabulous. As soon as I got in front of Lemon Grass' patio dining area, I heard yelled very loudly, "Hey Baby!"

Like anyone else, I reacted on instinct by looking up and around to see who was greeting whom. To my complete shock, this exclamation had been issued by a 40 something man lounging 3 feet away from me in front of Lemon Grass and had directed his salutation to none other than myself.

I had no idea what to say, so I know I definitely made a face and continued on my way. This did, however, intrigue me into considering one specific topic.

Has this approach ever worked for anyone?

I put this question on my Facebook status (because I wanted to conduct a very scientific survey) and apparently it has, indeed, worked in the past. My friend gave me a good example:

One of my residents told me he meets girls while driving on the freeway - so I guess the answer is yes, some women are that desperate and pathetic. Let's be glad that plague has not befallen us...

Seriously? God, you women are rediculous! Don't you realize that if 1 of us does this, it wrecks it for the rest of us? Use your head, please!

I also received a notification (via a FB Wall-to-Wall) today from my friend back at Bellagio that one of my other girlfriends is getting married. My head is spinning at the insanities that lurk in the hearts of women. Of course, I can't fault her for getting married. If you're in love, you're in love. But frankly, I'm struggling trying to figure out how to plan a trip to Niagara, forget about something like a wedding.

Oh yeah, and there's the whole "making a marriage work" thing that follows said wedding. Yeah, forget it! I learned my lesson flat out. Although, my hot-as-balls boyfriend does a great job in restoring my faith in relationships that work.

I got an invitation via Facebook (oh yeah!) to my 10 year high school reunion today too. Another "Seriously?" moment. Its for reasons like this that I didn't bother to vote for class presidents in high school. I knew that they'd invite me to reunions and shit via Facebook, totally classy.

Oh and it's at McFadden's on the North Side in Pittsburgh. Check out the photos from the St. Patrick's Day party. No, you Kiss My Lucky Charms!

Hell Week continues at the hotel. Today was better but I could still totally use a day off. I think my hot-as-balls boyfriend went to bed, I have no idea what his schedule is tomorrow... I have no idea what day it is tomorrow, all my days are totally blending together. We're getting AAA Inspected next month so everyone's starting to freak out about that though it seems to be no where nears as big a deal as it used to be at Bellagio. No perks or comps or anything fun like that, just a pat on the back and advised "if you suck at your job, you're not even scheduled that day."

At least the last part sounds about right.

I'm close to guaranteeing that this is going to be my 3rd AAA Inspection check in.

God I'm so fucking awesome, it hurts.

I wish I had a drink to knock my ass out tonight. I want to get so plastered that I hurt myself and then go home with my hot-as-balls boyfriend and do unspeakable and random acts of kindness to each other.

Why is drunk sex so fucking good? If you get too excited, you end up getting sick... I don't want that, no one wants to get sick. But drunk sex is so amazing on so many different levels. This is something I'll have to come back to after some thought.

My friend from Vegas texted me just a few minutes ago telling me that she's drunk as hell right now and she wishes that it was with me. Fuck, I miss her so much! There aren't a lot of girls I get close to but dude, this girl was so cool! She's probably going to have drunk sex with her boyfriend tonight.

I should call mine.

My entire body hurts. I think I'm dysthymic. I also think I'm a hypochondriac. I think I think too much.

I think I'll go to bed.

Jesus, Take the Wheel! PLEASE!

I feel I have an honest tendency towards violence right now. I feel like breaking something. Whether its shattering glass, splintering wood or slapping someone real hard it just feels like the right thing to do.

I almost forgot to blog tonight, I was just about to hang up my clothes and go to bed when I realized I still had this open. I don't have much of anything to write about right now because work is totally distracting me and kicking my ass this week. I feel like the universe is working against me and I don't know how to gain a new perspective to combat it and pull myself out of this downward spiral I feel myself falling into.

I have a lot of great things going on right now but I guess human nature is to focus on the negative that's going on instead.

I still haven't really decided what I want to do with the rest of my life. My friend in Orlando thinks I should stick w/ my original plan of going back to school for Theatre and Stage Management. I'm starting to think I should pursue Massage Therapy and my hot-as-balls boyfriend tells me that no matter what I do, I'll be successful because I'm awesome.

Which is a great hot-as-balls boyfriend answer, btw but I totally need to weigh the pros and cons here. Its like I need to find my bearings and go from there but its really hard to find your bearings when life, the universe and everything is working behind the scenes to bring you to your knees.

Lucky for me, I know the answer is 42!

I'm watching Poker After Dark on NBC right now, Jennifer Tilly's on. Her tits are fucking huge. They're such a distraction that its distracting me so you know she did that on purpose. She looks great but holy fuck, I think I see nipple. Jesus Creeping Christ, her tits are fucking gigantic!

Webster changed the meaning of marriage in the dictionary today; article (courtesy of my lawyer friend in Columbus via Twitter) is published here and the actual listing is published here.

I'm sort of turned off by this, to be quite honest. Republicans, Baptists and other crazy people have used the primary definition of marriage to beat the shit out of gay people for years and have turned this definition into the cornerstone point in an argument that makes no sense anyways... adding the 2nd definition in the manner being presented is irresponsible and completely inconsiderate of the possible repercussions it could have in the issue of Gay Rights in this country.

If you go to dictionary.com, the outlook is similarly bleak:

4. a relationship in which two people have pledged themselves to each other in the manner of a husband and wife, without legal sanction: trial marriage; homosexual marriage.

You have to go through 3 other definitions before an alternate lifestyle is even recognized... the first and third of which are basically identical. What a crock of shit!

If this was 1963, we could very easily be listening to Martina King giving us her rendition of "I have a fabulous dream" to the tune of Abba's Dancing Queen (because this number would be way ahead of its time anyway) while wearing a pink-sequined bra accented by a black feather boa and accompanied by 3 "Dreamy Boyz" dancing around her in Chippendale-esque pink bowties, no shirts and tight spandex short-shorts while Ms King herself casually danced around in patent leather platform boots and was elegantly lifted into the air at key points during the number by the Dreamy Boyz and their hot, bulging biceps.

The entire number is very reminicent of Foxy Roxie Hart's Roxie in Chicago choreographically speaking. I should stop before I get really carried away. I'll let your imagination fill in any of the other blanks on this topic.

I need to sleep. I need a hug. I need someone else to just take control and start telling me what to do for a couple of weeks so I can get myself sorted out. My horoscope yesterday told me that I should ease up on the reigns a little bit to let someone else do just that:

Pisces Horoscopes

(Feb 19 - Mar 20)

Yesterday | Today | Tomorrow

Monday, Mar 23rd, 2009 -- You might feel as if you are being manipulated by strong yet invisible forces now. Nevertheless, your peers may be just trying to protect their assets from the economic tides of change while attempting to remain unnoticed. Your best strategy today is not tightening the reins, for you won't be able to control all the variables. Others may be more ready to take responsibility than you realize; as you loosen your grip, they will be able to hold on tighter.

I tried letting Jesus take the wheel on this one and nearly crashed on my way into work with my hot-as-balls boyfriend. We were necking in his SUV and that car came out of no where. I swear!

This is all true.

Today is a Soy Caramel Machiatto Day (ie Milk but Not Really!)

I got piss drunk last night with my mom. How much of a winner do I feel like this morning! Its cool going out drinking with Mom but when she drinks your ass under the table, its sort of embarrassing. The only upside to this is that she's got a hangover and I'm just a little sore from dancing on the table.

Oh and yelling things like, "Mom, learn when to say when!" while she creeps around the house with her head in her hands and finally collapses back into bed and then tells me that she had something bad to eat yesterday.

I totally have a follower on my blog now. That means at least 1 person is interested in publicly keeping abreast of anything and everything I post. This is a milestone for me. I'm actually really excited and wish I could invite her over for coffee or tea or drinks. I hope she doesn't get bored or scared off.

The 40-Year-Old Virgin is on USA again. Why? Why do they air movies that they have to edit to hell?

My trip to Niagara got pushed back to June, right after my No Doubt concert. I'm actually really excited about it and already put my days off in at work. So, if successfully executed, I'll have 5 days off total, the first of which will be the concert followed by 4 in Canada.

Today is also the first day of my work week. I work straight through until next Saturday. I may attack someone between now and then--though we're only 36% occupancy tonight so I might get to leave early. I'm hanging out with my hot-as-balls boyfriend tonight after work too so if I get out early, that means I might actually get to have some kind of social life along with it and not just going back to his place to get banged. Though that in itself is not at all a bad option but I wouldn't object to going to a movie or something either.

I'm getting a lot of random Twitter followers lately. I'm up to 16 (WOW!)! I ended my relationship with CNNMoney but his brothers CNN and CNNpoliticalticker are trying really hard to get me back together with him. CNNpoliticalticker is sorta cute but a little obnoxious. Jimmy Fallon's having Kat Von Dee on tonight and told me to take a picture of someone's tattoo so she could judge them. I love Jimmy Fallon and I wish I could get a tattoo but I don't know where to get it. Eventually, I'm going to do it. Maybe for my 30th birthday in 2 years...

My horoscope is telling me to call in sick to work today:

Pisces Horoscopes

(Feb 19 - Mar 20)

Yesterday | Today | Tomorrow

Sunday, Mar 22nd, 2009 -- You might feel a bit letdown today, especially if you had a significant breakthrough yesterday or a sudden change of heart. Now you are less driven and don't know what to do and where to go. Each step you take can feel as if it's in the wrong direction. Your smartest strategy might be to just take the day off. The less you do and the fewer obligations you have, the better.

How very irresponsible of Tarot.com to encourage a Pisces to be even less productive than usual. Christ, I'm sitting here putting off my shower for work by typing this and Tarot.com wants me just chuck it all and go back to bed? Rude!

I think today is a Soy Caramel Machiatto day. I wish I had a laptop so I could go to Starbucks early and just type all this shit up there while I enjoyed my free wi-fi compliments of my Starbucks Gold Card and comment on the people that walked by since I enjoy people watching so much. Most people don't know how to dress, I'd like to take pictures of them, upload them on my blog and then make fun of their outfits publicly so I could then get my ass kicked when they started following me on Blogger 5 months later.

That'd be great.

Leno vs Obama from the Tonight Show.

just in case you missed the Obama interview on Leno... here it is, courtesy of nbc.com

Video Recaps | Full Episodes | Webisodes

This Entry Was a 2 Day Project...

I just got home and I'm totally exhausted.

I heard about El Presidente making a big booboo in referring to his bowling a 129 being applauded by Jay Leno as "Special Olympics." So, not one to judge until I get more information (lol), I watched it tonight on nbc.com via Larry King's Blog.

People need to find better things to complain about. Like sure, the comment was probably in bad taste but so is most shit normal Americans say every day and Obama is supposed to be a Man of the People. Its not like he called anyone retarded or anything, he was being self-depricating so quit looking for stuff to bother yourselves about Mr. John Q. Activist and let our king try to connect with his people.

I'd also like to add that he made said comment after dumbing down the issues with AIG so that even your average retard could understand it.

Update:
its a day later... I didn't finish last night's blog b/c my one friend from Naples, FL decided to get back in touch w/ me after like 2 years of not speaking. We talked for like 3 hours on the phone and then I passed out, woke up and went to work... after work today, my mom wanted me to go to the bar with her. Which I did... so now I'm drunk. I'm going to sleep. Its not that I didn't blog, its just that I didn't finish. Unfortunately, anything witty that I had to say yesterday (which was a lot of witty stuff btw) was lost. So now, I'll try and reupdate tomorrow before work but there's no guarantees. I'm shocked I can type this well right now.

PS: My trip to Niagra is a go for June. YAAAAY!!! :D Canada here I come!

Dear AIG, Please Use Your BailOut Bonuses to Employ the CNNiReporters that Won't Stop Crying About Not Finding Work. Sincerely, The Girl that Gets It

I spoke to Point Park University this morning about their theatre program and stage management focus. Stuff sounds way too good to be true but I don't know how feasible it is to go back to school for theatre right now. I could totally become a massage therapist and make good money that way. I hate having a goal but indecisive on how to achieve it.

I'm going to Niagra Falls! I'm so excited! Dude, the Maid of the Mist and who knows what else. Its going to be great and my hot-as-balls boyfriend agrees!

I was supposed to be going to lunch this afternoon with my Supervisor but she ended up having something else to do. Getting stood up sucks, I was looking forward to a good lunch before work. I'm going to Starbucks today instead! I won't let this hiccup in my Girlmance with my Supervisor stand in the way of me spending money I don't need to spend today.

Incidentally, spellcheck definitely did not just pick up "Girlmance". Obviously, I'm not the only one to have ever used this term. My lack of creativity bums me out.

Oh! Maybe we can go out for drinks tonight instead since my hot-as-balls boyfriend is taking me back to his place tonight. Purr!

CNN is asking AIG Executives to tell them their story via Email, "let us know what happened to you and why you should keep your bonuses" type of thing Yeah right, like anyone is going to put their greed into words and put their neck out in that sort of forum. Please. The House of Representatives is getting ready to vote on a 90% Federal Tax on anyone that works for a firm that recieved bail-out money and makes more than $250k a year. Yahoo News spelled this story out for me earlier today.

Also these idiots that complain they can't find work are really pissing me off. If they shut up, quit whining and went to apply, they'd be able to find work just fine. They just need to actually get up and look for it. "Oh its not what I'm looking for." "It doesn't pay enough." Fuck you, beggers can't be choosers. Go out there and get work, you lazy piece of shit. If you can't find something (anything!) in less than a week, allow me to refer you to my hotel's front desk. We have plenty of positions available because people keep quitting. Its rediculous. Stop being narrow minded and egotistical about where you work.

I have no sympathy for people out of work right now. The jobs are there, they need to find them. Retail, food and beverage, hotel (hi!!!!)... Dear Mr 20something CNNiReporter, you are not going to find your dream corporate job your first year out of college. Go flip some fucking burgers to save up some money to go make something of yourself.

Maybe I'm being harsh but its not that difficult to pick up a few hours here and there in retail or whatever instead of sitting in front of your fucking computer being a CNN iReporter in your free time. Idiot! Clearly, this is something I feel very passionate about for reasons better left unsaid right now.

Get a job!

I'm starving. I'm going to go find something to eat and then head to work (at my job which I found within a week of looking btw, jerk!).

Old Navy, Old Faithful

I decided today that I want to go to Niagra Falls. My hot-as-balls boyfriend agrees with me so we set a date to go to Niagra Falls and decided to plan it! I'm really excited! This is my first real vacation in years and I totally get a discount on hotel rooms because I work at Marriott now so rooms will probably be like $39. God, this is thrilling!

Some old friend of mine from Naples, FL that I had a beef with years ago looked me up tonight on Facebook. He apologized which is acceptable since it was his fault anyway. I'm not sure how to react other than just be honest: I don't care.

Equally, I spoke to Orlando tonight too. He changed his Facebook info and wanted to point out a specific quote he put on it.

"I strive to keep the memory,
a face, a voice, a true beauty...
but ground is lost while battling,
the swarming, vast eternity...
thougts dim, and fade, away from me,
and then, in whispers, cease to be..."

Its beautiful. He said he wrote it, which I believe and there's a very arrogant part of me that wishes it was about me even though I know its not. What girl wouldn't want it to be about her? Honestly, lets be reasonable. But, I've never had anyone write anything about me before--at least to my knowledge--and a verse as nice as that, yeah I'd like it to be about me. Orlando's a good kid, sometimes I wish he wasn't so far away. But, maybe I am an asshole. Blah, I am selfish.

Oh! This is noteworthy: I'm not pregnant. WHEW, right?! Listen, I don't know about you, but I'm pretty relieved about that. I haven't gotten my period yet, I think it got lost somewhere along the way but the Spanish pregnancy test I took the other day said I was good to go.

My hot-as-balls boyfriend told me tonight that his mom liked me. She said I seemed very nice and like someone he could communicate very well with and that I dressed better than she did! How fucking awesome is Old Navy dude! God, coming through in a pinch every fucking time! LOVE YOU OLD NAVY!

I don't know why USA insists on airing movies like The 40 Year Old Virgin which obviously need to be edited for content which doing so makes them unwatchable on cable because they have to edit out all the good stuff.

I'm getting a call from the Director of Point Park's Technical Theatre tomorrow to talk about their program. If I'm interested, I'm totally going to pursue it. If not, Sanford Brown's massage program here I come!

Erin go braugh(less Har)!

Its St. Patrick's Day and I'm sober. Why?

I met my hot-as-balls boyfriend's 'rents today.

I'm pretty sure it went well. They took me on a 30-45 minute tour of their entire property, the house alone is like 10,000 sq feet and is beautiful. I swear I used to have dreams about that very same house when I was little but I could be somewhat insane in believing this... though I don't think so and its kind of scary.

What was also a little scary was his father's gaming room. And by gaming room, I mean like... sporting room... and by sporting room I mean like... a big (beautifully furnished) room with a bunch of dead animals in it mounted to walls and stuff, 5 deer of which my hot-as-balls boyfriend had killed himself but there were grizzly bears and brown bears and polar bears and zebra skins and moose and bobcats and a fucking cheetah mounted to a branch. It was like walking into Pittsburgh's Museum of Natural History! I'm not for hunting at all, but it was kinda cool albeit out of my taste and I certainly didn't know how to react to a giant Elk hanging over their mantle staring uncouthly at me.

In retrospect, I felt a little awkward. Everything about the house was gorgeous: the marble countertops, the hard wood floors, the carpeting and home theatre system. It was immaculately clean and I couldn't help but be reminded of my humble beginnings in the hotel industry in Bellagio's housekeeping department where I used to imagine what the guests' houses would look like and what an annoyance it would be to clean them. I felt bad standing on the marble and I felt like I was intruding when they invited me into their gazebo and showed me their fire pit outside. I just felt like I was out of my element and should be cleaning something instead of enjoying the view.

His mother was very gracious and his father was equally kind. They took me out for Japanese tonight and his father and I split 2 plates of sushi. It was amazing!

I've never hoped anyone liked me before... usually, I could care less. But I really hope they liked me and that the awkward, out of place feeling will subside eventually.

Meanwhile, Back at the Ranch:

The Penguins absolutely crushed (the radio announcer used the word "trounced" but I'm opting for something much less eloquent, thank you very much!) the Atlanta Thrashers tonight in a 6-2 victory at home in the Igloo. If we get to the playoffs after how poorly we played earlier this season, I'll be pretty impressed and probably a full-on fan for life. I still don't understand hockey that well but I'm learning. Gimme a couple more seasons and I'll be pounding the glass with my fists while Godard kicks someone's ass on the ice.

I have big crushes on Evegeny Malkin, Max Talbot and Marc-Andre Fleury. Sid seems nice but he's so good that everyone's in love with him. Also, I don't think that Ovetchkin is better than Malkin. Fuck the Capitals, Ovetchkin is flashier and so what? Malkin's numbers are higher, get fucked... our Russian is better!

I don't know anything about hockey.

Secretly, I spent way too much money at Old Navy today but I can justify it by saying the shit was on sale and I needed it for summer anyway. The outfit I got to meet my hot-as-balls boyfriend's parents today took up over 1/2 the bill itself while I got a couple town gowns and sweaters for spring and summertime.

I have an addiction to shopping at the ON! I go in there and lose my fucking marbles, I swear it isn't healthy. But their clothes are SO cute and relatively inexpensive that I just can't say no!

Oh here's a juicy little tidbit... I'm probably going to be last man standing at my job here pretty soon. I honestly can't comment further than that at this time, however I will say that I'm about to start developing abandonment issues here really soon and I wish people would just stop dropping like flies because I'm getting the feeling that they don't want to work with me!!! :(

Anyway, back to Old Navy real quick: the clerk that rang me up asked if I was an ON card holder. When I said no, she gave me a $5 coupon off my next purchase with my Old Navy, Gap or Banana Republic card. This isn't the sort of teasing and torment that I expect from my favorite store and I hate her for making me feel inferior to those with a Old Navy, Gap or Banana Republic card.

I did get a really cool new pair of flip-flops. Dude, honestly, I can say with 100% honesty that I love that flip-flops are such a staple of Pittsburgh culture. Here in Pittsburgh, you can wear flip-flops anywhere... on a date, to a funeral, to work, whatever! Or you know, maybe a really cute pair that looks like:
to wear to meet your hot-as-balls boyfriend's parents. And they looked so cute with my pink jacket and green slacks too, God I love springtime and the color pink!

I don't want to work 6 days next week :( Oh another funny work story: my Supv whom I'm pretty close with, texts me yesterday: "So [Our Manager's Name] asked me if you and [My Hot-As-Balls Boyfriend's Name] were dating today and I just said "idk" and she said thats what she'd heard and I told her oh well maybe they are."

Funny how quick news travels around. Not that it bothers me at all, my boy is easily the [insert positive adjective here for how great he is here] person in the world and I'm totally proud to be on his arm. I don't necessarily think its any of my manager's business who I'm dating but I think its pretty comical how fast gossip spreads. And honestly, if something like this were to prevent me from getting promoted, pfft screw it. I've seen some of the stress my Supv carries and I'd rather be happy in love instead of miserable with money.

Anyone that read this post all the way through, I love you for thinking my life is that interesting since this entry was pretty blaise and un-entertaining though definitely has one of the better names I've come up with lately. :)

Grease is the Word and COOL is Country of Origin Label

As you might have assumed, I just decided to pass out after posting last night but... thats some kind of awesome dedication there.

Ellen Degeneres is an incredible personality. I'd like to hang out with her some day and honestly, if I was a talk show host, I'd be Ellen. She's fun and silly and likes to dance, I'm sure she'd be cool to hang out with over Cinnamon Dulce Lattes at Starbucks.

The Doctors is a TV show on NBC which has been on for almost a full season I think. This show makes me incredibly uncomfortable at most times even though Travis Stork is nice to look at. Today, they're talking about extreme health trends (yawn what else is new?) but they're attacking an establishment called The "Heart Attack" Grill which specializes in Flatliner Fries and Bypass Burgers. Their waitresses are dressed as nurses, their patrons are referred to as patients and even get an ID bracelet.

Its a theme restaurant, Docs... are you seriously going to fault this restaurant for advertising a Quad Bypass burger with 8000 calories in it vs the people that are paying for it? Just because this ridiculous service is offered doesn't mean that people have to take them up on it. Live and let live and leave them alone. Plus, from the pictures--it looks like a pretty cool place to go chill for an hour or so.

Although, Doctor Lisa has her moments. In response to a demeaning 50s public service announcement to help prevent VD that looks like this:

She said, "You may think he's Mr. Right but you don't know where he was last night!" Of course, this doesn't change the fact that The Doctors are talking about a 1950s (ish) advertisement and in 2009, it may be a little late to address the issue.

I wish I had some lemonade. One of the greatest things I've found in our employee cafeteria at work (and it isn't hard to find great things since theres so few of them laying around) is the lemonade there. There's just something about it that puts me in a great mood whenever I drink it. Its super yummy.

And they just did a plug for Slumdog Millionaire's DVD coming out in disguise of a bit about Bollywood dancing workouts... and they brought Lisa out in a pink dance outfit. Ok, Lisa... regardless of your previous wit, you just failed your sisters by stooping to that level of contradictory. Thanks for making me feel like an idiot. I hate you now.

Like how most of my blogs center around what I'm watching on TV at the time I sit down to write?

I think I'm going out to Old Navy today to pick up one of their town gowns (since I just saw a commercial for them on TV and got an email advertising them at the same time besides, I want to get some new things for spring and always liked having sundresses laying around when I was younger) to wear tomorrow to meet my hot-as-balls boyfriend's mom. I told him that I was probably going to last night and he told me not to bother because no matter what I wore, I'd look beautiful.

He's such a great hot-as-balls boyfriend!

The city is hosting this American Physical convention so we have doctors from all over the world filing into Pittsburgh to attend. I'm not sure why they'd call it "American" when there's guys from Korea, India, Canada, Brazil, France, the Netherlands and so many other places in town for it or why they'd mislead an idiot like me into thinking that "Physical" meant like... physical body... not physical like Theory of Relativity physical.

This group (with the slim exception of maybe 5) is such a bunch of nerds! Like, I thought some of the guys that I used to game with were a group of geeks but these Physicists put them to shame on the Geek-o-Meter for sure! With 170 arrivals left when I got to work yesterday, I can't count how many times I felt awkward getting hit on or my lame jokes getting laughed at hysterically... or how many guys had huge Coke bottle glasses so their eyes were magnified into gigantic irises.

By the end of the night, I was getting irate. Not because I was getting hit on or complimented but because this group of brainacs, many of whom had their doctorate in physics, could not comprehend that each room had either 2 or 3 people in it and all of which had laptops and everyone was trying to access our wireless network at the same time so it slowed down considerably. Apparently, this is my fault and I was to have anticipated the level of Nerd that was about to descend upon my hotel and order up more network support for all of their pocket protectors.

My bad!

All that said, Mr. Evans was cool as hell. Guy walks in with the long hair and beard like the rest of them but was probably closer to my age or maybe a few years younger and was way cleaner and yet some how much more hippy-like... total California dude in his red t-shirt and khaki cargo shorts and flip-flops. I was so happy to talk to a normal dude of physics that I upgrade him. Yep, sure did! I winked at him and told him to come back down and explain the Theory of Relativity to me later on but he just said, "Which one?"

I'm clearly out of my element with this group.

My feet hurt so much, I want to get a pedicure today. Actually, my whole body hurts... is there such a thing as a full body pedicure?

Carol Burnett should not have gotten colligan injections!

I wish I followed college basketball. NCAA would at least be something to watch for the next couple of weeks. Pitt is a #1 Seed apparently and Robert Morris was selected (???) to play along with Penn State. Or something like that... fuck if I know what the hell is going on.

C.O.O.L. means Country of Origin Label. Thank you again, Mexico, for giving us something else to translate into Spanish... the Giant Eagle brand pregnancy test I took the other day had its directions in English on one side and Spanish on the other (just in case I got confused) and now I know exactly where my defective, salmonella-ridden tomatoes are coming from. Soon Miguel and Juana will too and only buy Mexican! Viva la Mexico!

Today was really stupid.

Today was really stupid. In retrospect, the entire week was really, really dumb. I'm sure I'll come up with something more intelligent or creative to talk about later but for now, I'm just going to eat so my body doesn't go on panic mode and then sip on some chamomile tea to relax.

xoxo

"Schadenfreude" Doesn't Mean I Sneezed.

Schadenfreude is a German word that translates directly into "schaden" meaning "harm" and "freude" meaning "joy." I don't need to be able to speak German to tell you that this is probably my most favorite word in any language (outside of écureuil which is French for squirrel... don't ask, the word just sounds like a pile of happy to me. Its pronounced as "Ae-kah-roy-ah" and yeah, it means squirrel. I wonder if les écureuils only eat les écroux or if they'd eat like plain American nuts too, hmm... Wait! Wow did I derail my own blog entry here already or what?!).

Welcome back to the blog! Schadenfreude is equally my favorite evil feeling in life. Pleasure at the expense of someone else's misfortune. Leave it to the Germans to master this beautiful emotion and give it such a fitting name! Its also a great song from Avenue Q which is one of my favorite musicals. The video isn't great but I'm totally comfortable with that, its the music that counts.

Anyway, today is 3/14 (even though its actually 3/15 by now but that's not important nor is it the point) and its officially St Patrick's Day weekend. I honestly can't remember the last time I spoke with this many drunken idiots all in a row... even during an event as big as New Year's in Las Vegas, I haven't spoken to this many inebriated slobs in my life all in one day.

People have been drunk since last night. While I was standing around Ft Duquesne Blvd
smoking outside the hotel last night, I spotted 2 well-dressed young women walking up the Blvd to the corner of 6th Street. Once at the corner, the taller of the two women tripped out of her 3 inch heels. While she was trying to figure out a way to put them back on, she definitely took a "drunk girl at the party" posture.

I was captivated and after a terrible night at work, seeing this extremely well dressed girl vomit all over a city corner would make my day. "Do it!," I said out loud even though she was too far away to hear me.

"Do it! Oh God! Do it, please! Get sick."

And then as soon as she managed to get her right foot back into its shoe (with the help of a chivalrous if not random passerby), she threw up all over it. It was the most amazing thing I'd seen all night and it made me incredibly happy!

My hot-as-balls boyfriend is flat out amazing. No reason need be given at this time but just rest assured... he's flat out incredible and I'm really, really lucky!

I was over at his place after work tonight and while he was getting dressed, he goes "So I was thinking on Tuesday... not Monday because I have too much shit to do around here... but on Tuesday, I was thinking we could take a drive out to my parents place and hang out for a couple of hours."

Eeeeeek!

This is getting serious. Of course I said yes! So my date with my hot-as-balls boyfriend on Tuesday is totally including a "Meet the 'Rents" spectacular. I'm pretty nervous! Additionally, I'm also planning on spending the Old Navy and Kohl's gift certificates I got for my birthday in order to purchase myself a new outfit to try and impress his mom.

I have no idea what to wear... Email me at jlmathieson@gmail.com with suggestions! Or just MSN me.

I got desperate last night and drank one of the many Milwaukee's Best Light that was just laying around courtesy of my own parents. I'm definitely a beer snob now. If its not Sam Adams or better, I'm not interested... I don't know how anyone drinks this cheap shit. Its not even beer, I don't like it at all!

God my feet still hurt so bad from work. I need to get my manager friend at Famous Footwear to hook it up for cheap since my feet are rebelling hardcore style. I tried rubbing them to make them feel better but they just got even more pissed at me. Apologizing helped a little but not as much as I had hoped. I thought about buying them a present like a pedicure or reflexology session but it barely pacified them. They expect me to come through on this but I think my knees are going to get pissed too. :(

I'm so tired! I'm going to bed... Just another 8 hours between me and 2 days off! I'll be back if anything fun comes to mind.

Good Things Come in Small Packages, Even Stories.

I like how I go from having no hours at work to having like a billion and feeling like my life and soul is absolutely consumed by "Good afternoon, checking in?"

I honestly thought that after 8ish years in the hotel industry, 5 at Bellagio's front desk in Vegas and a few months in group sales that I'd heard everything. I didn't think it was quite possible for someone to come up with something so fresh and new that I wouldn't either be ready for it or have at least some sort of witty response to it right away. I actually even said it to a guest tonight, "Sir, there is nothing you can say at all that I haven't heard before!"

Then... it happened.

The heavens opened up and in a conversation that lasted about as long as Chumbawamba's career, this woman made a comment and then accused me of saying something that I didn't say... all in about a minute thirty worth of conversation!

I was going through my normal spiel "Good evening, blah blah blah. Checking in?" I confirmed the nights of her stay and she interrupted me before I could even get to her bed-type and demanded to have "2 double beds" in her room.

Now, my hotel is about 300 rooms large. We were sold out of 2 queen beds tonight and we don't offer doubles and here's this woman insisting that she was told that the request for "2 doubles" was put on her reservation by a man on 3/10. I offered a single queen bed and a rollaway. This woman then began insisting that I had just confirmed her request for 2 queen beds... in essence calling me a liar (to my face) and claiming that I said something that I clearly did not just say.

I was blind-sided. I had no idea what to say to her. In my almost 8 year tenure of working in a hotel, most of which has been spent behind the front desk dealing with people who don't understand how a hotel works but telling me how to do my job anyway, I had never been called a liar. Especially when I had very clearly not just said anything even remotely close to what I was being accused of saying not 10 seconds before.

There were several ways I could react to this. I took the most natural reaction I could think of, the first reaction that came to mind: I laughed.

Then I realized she was serious and I apologized.

Homegirl blew a gasket and then looked like she was about to cry. I felt bad for her but I didn't have anything else to accommodate her with, wtf am I supposed to do? All these guests take this shit personally. Like I, me... this girl behind the desk, am seriously out to get them and make their lives totally miserable and don't want them to enjoy themselves at my hotel while they're on property.

"Yes, ma'am, you're absolutely correct... I actually planned it this way. I knew that you and your husband and your daughters were coming in late tonight so I purposely sold all my queen beds to people who actually had the requests on file and got in early just to make your life difficult. If you turn on the water works for me, I might be able to pull a 2 queen room out of my pocket and give it to you but I want to go through this song and dance first because I like giving people a hard time. Ok? Now whats your excuse for being a total jerk?"

I actually said that to her.

No I didn't, I'm a liar. SEE I JUST PROVED HER RIGHT!!!!!

Why am I reliving this story? I think I enjoy being masochistic about stupid shit with work.

Here's a better story from work tonight: My hot-as-balls boyfriend came in tonight and told me that his mom and dad were there eating in the bar and had asked him if I was working tonight. He said, "Yes, she's the blonde behind the desk." Reportedly, his mom went back to him with, "Ooh she's cute!!!"

I haven't met his folks yet.

Hey! Why are good stories shorter than bad stories! What gives?

Moving right along: Hey! Larry King and Anderson Cooper both took Friday night off of their shows tonight. They are so both at the bar, getting drunk on green beer already.

Octomom is getting too much attention. America, please stop! Or at least tone is back a bit... I pay taxes too, I really don't give a shit about this woman, her kids or where they live or how they do it. I don't care.

Also, please leave Michael Phelps alone. The kid won 8 gold medals, ffs! He's obviously capable of some things that the rest of us are not. If the kid wants to hit a bong, let him.

Speaking of pot-smokers, CNN is slipping. They put Ron Paul vs Stephen Baldwin on the Marijuana legalization debate. Ron Paul is pro legalization, Stephen Baldwin is against... Ron Paul, the politician is for legalizing pot... the actor, Stephen Baldwin, is against it. Is this Bizzaro World??? When did it become opposite day?

How do you face off Stephen Baldwin and Ron Paul? What brainiac came up with this combination?? Did their original booking vs Ron Paul cancel at the last minute and they just called up Stephen Baldwin since he wasn't doing anything else anyway just to get someone to argue with Ron Paul? Stephen Baldwin looks high anyway, you've got to be fucking kidding me that this guy doesn't smoke up. Get fucked, Stephen Baldwin. Let the kids smoke a bowl, you baked-looking mother fucker!

For the record: if the Republicans had put Ron Paul on the ballot instead of McCain, they'd have had my vote.

Anyway, here's something controversial to chew on for a bit: I'm prefacing this with a disclaimer: I love gay men and I'm all for gay rights! I think they should be allowed to marry, serve in the military and all that good stuff.

But, all that being said I think one of the biggest problems facing the Equality of Gays in America is that the fight is primarily being fought by gay people. Thus most of the groups that are opposing them don't take them seriously. For me, its really hard to get passionate about something when I think its adorable when a gay man gets pissed. I'm pretty passionate about gay rights as it is but when one of my gay boyfriends gets worked up, I don't get empowered... I get the giggles.

My one friend was telling me about a court case he heard about in California earlier:

MyOneFriend (1:35:24 AM): that's why one of the interesting court cases

MyOneFriend (1:35:42 AM): i forget the whole details

MyOneFriend (1:36:03 AM): but it was a guy who sued the police for something because they were dicks about his bar or something

MyOneFriend (1:36:08 AM): and all the gay people there

MyOneFriend (1:36:11 AM): but he was straight

MyOneFriend (1:36:22 AM): so the first court case won for gay rights was by a straight man

MyOneFriend (1:36:29 AM): or at least in California

...I guess that's progress? I don't know how old that story is or the significance of it really in the long run. Since moving back home, I haven't really been able to keep up-to-date on Prop 8 but I do think that shit needs to get overturned and how!

Ron Paul said it best when Stephen Baldwin was questioning him head-to-head on whether or not he'd ever gotten high before. "Its all about freedom of choice." In my opinion, by denying gays the right to marry, the government is denying them the freedom to choose what to do with their life. Fuck that noise! Gay people should be allowed to do what they want just like everyone else. Quit being a bunch of assholes and let gay people be fabulous!

"Being an Ugly Woman is Like Being a Man, You'll Have to Work"

Daniel Tosh has to be one of my new favorite comedians. I just saw him on Leno tonight and totally stole the quote that I used for tonight's Blog title from his act. He's pretty great and he has a Comedy Central Special coming up this spring, I think. His website is here.

Anyway, I officially didn't blog yesterday. :( I'm sort of bugged about it but I had other things to do... with my hot-as-balls boyfriend. Who, by the way, advised me that I'm free to use his name but in return, I totally advised him that I sort of like having characters with titles but no names in my blog so he will remain "my hot-as-balls boyfriend."

Likewise my "exhusband" retains his anonymity. Oh, speaking of which... he totally did what I expected, he switched his AIM ScreenName to reach out and contact me again while I wasn't here last night:

MyExhusband (8:48:01 PM): by the way.... this is so fucking gay that you cant be civil to me

MyExhusband (8:52:39 PM): you can refer to me as sleazy when I didn't do anything sleazy and slander me on open forums etc but you dont even have a reason to hate me the way you do.

MyExhusband (9:09:02 PM): Anyway... by now you should know that I am known to retaliate in kind and 10x worse. So with that being said... I suggest you knock off your immaturity or you will definitely have something worth getting your panties in a bunch over.

MyExhusband signed off at 9:50:19 PM.

MyExhusband is offline and will receive your IMs when signing back in.

First, I'm really flattered that he thinks that anyone is reading this blog because I honestly don't. Secondly, I didn't realize that I was being immature. Third, I am obviously flirting with disaster here and for that, I apologize.

Brian Williams is on Jimmy Fallon tonight and... whoops quick hiatus while I chit-chat with my friend in Orlando. Brb!! :)

BACK!! Orlando's a great guy. I went to high school with him but we didn't know each other (past knowing each other's names) since he graduated a year behind me. Who knew that 10 years down the line, I'd find such an amazing friend in a guy I went to high school with, probably smiled at in the hall way between 4th and 5th period but otherwise ignored. Life is fucking crazy sometimes.

Anyways, Orlando came up with a great point. The word "facetious" (which I now know how to spell properly) is the only word in the English language that uses all 5 vowels in order. I'd also like to add that "sometimes y" is included with this if you turn the word into "facetiously." I'd further like to point out that now that I know how to spell "facetiously" I'm totally going to kick everyone's asses on the Scrabble board.

Unfortunately, Orlando and I were disconnected during this incredibly awesome conversation and he called me back... sometimes when people call me, I don't want to answer the phone because I like my ringtone so much. Its No Doubt's "Hey Baby." I think that speaks for itself.

Speaking of Florida, my friend in Tampa told me that he was bookmarking my blog tonight because it entertained him. This is fascinating! Maybe I do have like 5 readers after all. Well, Tampa also wanted to show me pictures of his dick tonight and actually linked them to me. It took a lot of effort to not relink said pictures here. But what I actually posted instead was way more entertaining. I've seen Tampa's dick... trust me, this is better.

Its 25 degrees in Pittsburgh right now. WTF (!!!!!!) happened to our 75 degree weather dammit! I am not prepared for it to be this cold.

Just for Men's Touch of Grey commericals give me the willies... come to think of it most late night/early morning tv commericals give me the willies. I should start going to bed earlier!

Ahh good idea! Good night!

I Found a Penny Behind the Refrigerator

Hi!

First and Foremost: My ex husband reads my blog and I have proof!

After updating this morning, I got a message from him via AIM (on a name that I have since blocked so he'll have to create yet another one to get in touch with me) in response to the screenshot that I posted:

MyExhusband (4:35:43 PM): just fyi... I was checking out the feature to that feature that sends out a request to join for another site.. wanted to see the functionality of it..and the 3 online booty calls were requests that people made to add me not actually a booty call. Anyway just thought I would clear up the confusion you had ..it would have taken me too long to sort through email addys and delete the ones you have from my contact list.

MyExhusband signed off at 4:39:17 PM.

MyExhusband is offline and will receive your IMs when signing back in.

Word! Cuz 1 email address is like a ton of email addresses to weed through and sort out, right? Of course, this doesn't change the fact that he's using a website called OnlineBootyCall.com. Forget Match.com or eHarmony.com or Chemistry.com no no no... its all about that OnlineBootyCall.com.

I don't even know what to say!

Ok thats a lie but its not worth getting into. :)

Any-hoo... work was fun. I got bitched out by a devil of a man tonight just before I went home... the likes of which I had not seen since Leaving Las Vegas (woooo look at me using the movie reference!!!). I love getting yelled at or condescended by guests. Its seriously such a huge perk to working a hotel's front desk.

They sit up with their hoity-toity selves in their hoity-toity suites thinking that their hoity-toity words make me feel like an idiot but honestly, the truth is I try so hard not to laugh at these people while I'm talking to them on the phone. Tonight was no exception.

This dude calls down and I answer the phone, because thats what a good customer service representative does whenever anyone calls. "blah blah blah...how can I assist you?"

"Yes hello, uh I think my son was having a problem with his key getting into the door here but I'm not sure which door it was, it could have been 1416."

"Oh! Well sir, you're actually calling from 1408 right now--"

[He totally interrupts me here] "Yes, I know we have 1408. We're in the suite!"

[I totally cut him off in return] "Oh! I know sir. I just wasn't sure if you were talking about the room you were calling from or one of the others."

"Well if you'd listen to me, you'd already have the answer. Now as I was saying, my son is down there and he was having a problem with the key so if you see him let him know that the door works now!" [Click]

1st, I'm obviously the drunk one in this scenario.

2nd, I totally know who this man's son is just by looking at him.

I went back to my manager and let her know that he called since I was leaving for the night and started my story off with, "hey that guy is really super friendly!"

Ok enough of that!

Side note: My crush on Jimmy Fallon continues. Wheel of Carpet Samples was basically amazing! I'm so twittering Jimmy Fallon right now to let him know how great I thought it was!

Great now that thats done, what else happened today?

Hmm I broke a nail. That was pretty awful... now I have to cut all of them. Argh! Its times like these that I want to go behind the refrigerator because I think that was a good solution that Christopher Durang came up with in Baby With the Bathwater. I tried it earlier and came out about a week early. Unfortunately, I didn't really get anything sorted out, but I did find a penny!