The Definition of Irony

I am failing left and right lately for something to write about.

I know that I want to write, that I have stories to tell and yarns to spin and journeys to go on but nothing seems to be bubbling to the surface.  I often find myself wondering if JK Rowling had to deal with shit like this (yes, JK Rowling, bitches!  Cuz I don't get a fuck.  She's awesome!  Suck it).  How do you get through it?  It's not even writer's block anymore.  It's just a complete and utter lack of inspiration.  Do you just write until something makes sense?  What if you don't know where to start?  

Cuz that's kinda like... where I am right now.

I could probably come up with a couple of characters... the story would be set here in Pittsburgh... but plot?  Action?  Exposition?  Oh God and a climax???  Forget it.  I'm fucked.

When have you ever heard of a set driven story?

Bah.

Earlier tonight, I put out on Twitter that I could use a couple of ideas.  Twitter, in all it's infinite creativity, came back to me with:

A sword fighting Eskimo who has a cross to bear with a woman he could never have and an insatiable love of Doctor Who.

That's REALLY specific, guys!  I'm not even sure that Eskimos know what a sword is let alone a magic blue box.  I love my followers but Christ, in order to make that work, I need to go to a few improv classes first and study up on how to build and igloo and cook with blubber and choreography a fight sequence in there, maybe with a whale or fish or seal...

Can Eskimos even kill seals?  Are they endangered or something?

My head hurts.

I wish this was hyperbole.

Maybe that's a genre I need to start focusing more on... hyperbole can be a genre right?  To hell with it, if I say that it's a genre, it's a genre.

Something will come of it.

Meantime, Jason X just came on STARZ.  You know, the one where Jason Voorhees gets chryogenically frozen at the Crystal Lake Research Center and then gets thawed out sometime in the future and starts killing everyone again?  Apparently hockey in this movie was rules out in 2024.  Pretty lame.

You realize that some fucking asshole had to write this plot, pitch it to a movie distribution house who bought it and then convinced some plastic LA dickhead that it would make a shit load of money and to give them the money to hire a director, crew and etc to get the thing produced.

And I can't even think of something quality to write.

This is horseshit.