Wednesday Morning Ramblings: My Stream of Conscious While I Stand Around Doing Nothing

I woke up today at 20 after 5am. Usually when I get my normal 4hrs of sleep, I can spring out of bed, gobble up some breakfast, grab my Starbucks Via and be on my merry way.

Apparently getting 8hrs of sleep is a little excessive for my natural routine.

Going to bed last night at 9:30pm, while superb for my health and well-being, is just awful for my mind frame. Upon hearing my alarm go off at 5am, I was DRAGGING myself out of bed as I tried to get read for work on time and was still 15 minutes late to get out of the house.

But... its a little later in the day now and I can personally say... it's AMAZINNG wht a good night's sleep and a cup of coffee can do for your out look on life.

A breakfast stromboli from Giovanni's Pizza on 6th Street in Downtown doesn't hurt either.

Right now, it's a little after 11am. I'm standing at the front desk writing this on a piece of printer paper to keep myself entertained until I go on break at which point I plan to break out the Toshi and type this up on my blog (Hi I'm doing that now).

What's great is that I won't have to eat on my break now. Woo!

I'm also looking forward to (hopefully) goin to the Pens game tonight. Nothing's in stone but the Boyfriend was hinting at looking for tickets.

I totally dressed the part, coming into work with my skinny jeansand sandals to celebrate the 66 degree weather (woo!), my Ssshhh! T-Shirt and fate-tempting Max Talbot home jersey... I figure Buries It's Old Number on my thermoment should be enough to appease the hockey gods today and will offset the bad luck my Talbot jersey usually brings.

Besides... Matt Cooke's been staring at a picture of Stamkos for 3 days now while he plots a new way to kick up some controversy.

Woo! Go Pens!!

I'm a Celebrity

They say a picture's worth 1000 words.  Since I try to blog about 300 words a day, I think this post has me covered.

PS: Woo!

I'm at Earth (Milkyway Galaxy, Our Solar System). http://4sq.com/0mG1tzJ3n

Today, Ricky Martin announced he was gay.

I had no idea.

Related: The sky is blue.

I wonder what Simon Cowell would have said to Ricky Martin if Ricky Martin was ever on American Idol. I'm sure it wouldn't have mattered. America elected Taylor Hicks over Catherine McPhee so Ricky probably still would have won thanks to his metrosexually styled hair and perfect teeth.

Sometimes I hate this country.

Not because of OMGHealthCare but because of how plastic our culture has become. More average Americans know the names of at least 3 of Tiger Woods' hookers than they do people in their local government. In the last election, a lot of democrats called John McCain out of touch. I'd hate to say it, but I'm pretty sure that's the pot calling the kettle black.

I'm no angel nor the wisest amongst us, I'm merely a color commentator. I'm Bibster to everyone else's Steiggy. I leave it to you guys to state the facts while I just call it like I see it. I'm the peanut gallery, the Muppets 2 old men in the balcony.

I'm the chick you want to shut the fuck up in the theatre.

All that said, I find it positively disgraceful that our culture has downgraded so severely that its more about who won the Oscars than who won the Iraqi election. Its absurd that I have no idea what the fuck Seria, Brunei is but that I know that Craig Adams is from there. Its ludicrous that CNN can actually get away with interviewing Snoop Dogg instead of Stephen Harper.

You don't even know who that is, do you?

While I'm totally all for capitalism, I think enough is enough. When do ratings not become the driving force behind media's motivation? When does phys. ed. finally take 2nd place to Social Studies or better yet Math?? When can the Arts become more about expressing oneself instead of trying to get attention?

This is not where I expected this blog entry to go. I should probably stop while I'm still ahead...

PS If you get the joke in the title of this post, feel free to call me a fucking genius on Twitter. BYE!

PPS <3

A Letter to Myself

Hi.

Remember me?  Long time since we spoke. 

So... what happened to you making better choices for yourself?

When did everyone else get so much more important than you?

When did you start making excuses for those around you again, remember what a cardinal sin that was?

You made those Rules for a reason.  You didn't want to lose yourself or your identity in a relationship again and lose sight of what's important to you.  You didn't want to find yourself wanting more or wondering what if.  You didn't want to be left unfulfilled.

And you certainly didn't want to keep blaming yourself for things that weren't your fault.

Yet here we are.  The stress is coming back again.  The sadness and feelings of neglect reared their ugly head casting doubt on the whole situation.  The impression that you're not worth the time or the love showed up to make you depressed, angry and blind to the world around you.

We both know better.

Don't you think its time you stand up for yourself?  Don't you think you deserve it?  Don't you know you're one badass, bitchin and beautiful broad that should have the very Earth she walks on worshipped before she even steps foot on the ground?

What the fuck, man?  You're wasting the pretty!  Man up and do what's best for you.  We all know the answer here.  Why are you so good at raising a fuss about the smallest things but the important stuff gets stuck in your throat! 

Don't you know I'm worth it?

WELP! Went to See "She's Out of My League" [SPOILER]

There were some pretty great things about it.  Those that have said that its a post card for the city of Pittsburgh got it right.  Primanti's in Market Square made an appearence, Market Square not looking like a beat up pile of shit made an appearence, the skyline looked awesome (because it is), Lady Mellon looked great and the main character, who works at the airport, lives on the South Side.

I now want a #34 Reese jersey just to be an asshole.  Also, regarding my "review", I'm a former "actress" so I guess I watch movies "differently" than everyone else.

At least that's what I've been told... anyways...

My thoughts about the movie:

First: if I wasn't from Pittsburgh, I wouldn't have enjoyed it.

I didn't care for the cast: The guy that played Stainer could have been so much funnier and it would have been amazing to get a guy who could actually sing and rearrange a Hall and Oates song for the sister's birthday party.  The chicks that played Marnie and Debbie (the brother's fiancee) could have been more likeable and would have been AMAZING if given a yinzer accent.  I know you're kind of supposed to hate Marnie but she could have been more bitchy and airheaded and less annoying.  Debbie's character had a lot of potential to steal every scene she was in but the actress and director toned her down so much that she was completely ensemble and got lost in the background.

Dylan was awesome.  Jack was good but Kirk was doing his best impression of Christian Slater through the whole movie. 

I didn't care for Molly.  She was totally type cast and that shit just pisses me off.

I loved Patty.

It wasn't that funny: there are a few good moments but the majority of the jokes get lost in the actor's translation of the script.  It also could be the director's fault but... Stainer wasn't nearly as self involved as a character as they made him out to be and he's a main comedy relief.  It was a shame.  Although, there is something to be said about a Hall and Oates cover band...

Editing: yes... I'm calling out editing.  There's 1 particular scene, right after the restaurant scene, where Kirk and Molly are playing "getting to know you... totally didn't need to be there.  It dragged down the pace of the movie and it made me want to kill myself. 

It bothered me: the family is total white trash.  I thought it was true enough to life but if you're gonna do that in this city, you better make them as local as possible.  It needed more Yinzers.  Even extras like come on!  You're in Pittsburgh!  Get yinzers.  Its not like they're hard to find.

Irrealavant: You can't get from Molly's apt downtown to the airport before the plane takes off.

I didn't really care for the story: call me a homer, but I thought it put too much emphasis on how people look.  Which is something I'm totally against...

All in all: the ticket was $5 at AMC Lowes.  It was a decent pick-me-up after a crappy Pens game (and there's a TON of Pens stuff, including a game and a Buries It throwback). It was a very run-of-the-mill romantic comedy but not one that I'd recommend to anyone outside the city. 

So yeah, I guess I'm pretty serious about comedy... I don't usually laugh because I respect the work so much, I'll listen to the entire joke or scene and then laugh my ass off at the end. 

I'm an asshole about it... and am totally comfortable with that.

Obligatory Post: OMFG HEALTH CARE

The Democrats passed Health Care Reform.

Then the world exploded.

I'm anticipating with baited breath what Tiger Woods has up his sleeve to distract America from this latest political controversy. I bet it includes a broomstick, unicorn and Seth Green. God, this is gonna be amazing.

And now on to more important things: The Pens play the Red Wings tonight.

If I was more knowledgeable about the sport, I'd go ahead and write some sort of awesome pregame but I'm not so I won't. But just know, anything I'd write here would be ridiculously good.

[Insert Pregame Full of Win here]

That said, the boyfriend actually doesn't have to work during the game tonight so we are probably gonna go out somewhere for it. If that doesn't work out, expect the same great color commentary on Twitter.

PS Woo!

Updatez: Boyfriend and Marty Brodeur

Weird how those two things keep appearing together in my blog titles.

Anyway the boyfriend and I had a long talk over coffee this afternoon. Starbucks is a very underrated vent spot. We got a lot out in the open, things are back to normal if not a little better.

So as soon as that whole thing was under control, we took a walk over to the pet store. I've fallen in love with a red and white English Bulldog. I even came up with a great name for him.

Marty Brodeur, the English Bulldog.

Hi Marty. I love you!

OMGitsJen's 4am Wake Up Call.

From Left: Laynie (aka @penstone), Addie (@trulyaddie), me and Scott (@ssravp) doing shotskis of Jager last night at the Pittsburgh Tweetup at Hofbrauhaus.

So I was at Hofbrauhaus Pittsburgh from 1pm till Midnight yesterday. It was some serious drinking. I met a slew of great people, got drunk and in trouble, had a blast and a fantastic night. I'm pretty sure our gaggle of tweeters proved last night that if you're a Pens fan on Twitter, you're good people!

Afterwards, I got dropped off praying I wouldn't be too hung over to go to work. I ended up calling off. Not because I was hung over but because I'm an emotional train wreck.

Before you start asking if the beer was really that good, let me tell you about a nightmare I had.

It had to have been around 3:30am. In my dream, I got a text message from the boyfriend. For the life of me, I couldn't tell you what it said but it was horrible, awful and gut-wrenching. I immediately woke up, saw that it was 4am and that I had, in fact, received a text message from the boyfriend about 30 minutes prior. He was asking me if I was still awake. Naturally I answered, "I am now."

He called me not 20 seconds later. What ensued I can only describe as a horrible, awful and gut-wrenching 2 hour long conversation in which we both talked but I'm not sure either of us actually heard what the other was saying. I've been awake since we got off the phone and I'm still not exactly sure what the hell is going on.

We might have broken up.

The way we left it? "I think we both need some time to think and we can talk more later."

So there you have it. Thats the current status of my relationship. I think my head might explode if my heart doesn't first. My stomach is in a knot. My head is killing me. My heart and mind are racing.

Even this Bruins/Rangers game isn't helping me sleep. What a crappy match up. This is apparently NBC's version of the Battle of the Douchebags.

I bet Avery wins.

Anyway, I've texted the boyfriend(?) twice. Once at 7:30ish to tell him I love him and again at 11:30 to tell him I'd called off and I'd like to see him. I haven't received a response. Karma has inserted it's icy cold hand into my chest, ripped out my heart and has shown me how black it is.

Cliff's Notes Version: I am miserable.

Hofbrauhaus Tweetup

There's a big Pens Fan Hockey Tweetup at Hofbrauhaus Pittsburgh this afternoon for the 1pm Pens/Canes game which will continue into the evening. I will be Ziggy-Zauking with the likes of @rissakole, @trulyaddie, @letdemhoesfight, @stoosh10 and @ssravp. Those missing in attendence, namely @superfro432 and @whistler will be mourned properly with maybe a tear each into my bier.

I am also expecting @penstone to be in attendance so that we may successfully play a round of SBDG. I never remember the rules.

Expect pictures via mobile upload or when I get home tonight.

You may also expect a drunk blog... its like the drunk text/drunk call but much less invasive.

FML: You're Doing it Wrong...

Today I'm going to touch on something very dear to my heart. The usage of "FML" which, for those of you who don't know, stands for "Fuck My Life."

Dear Internet Users,

PLEASE STOP TAKING THE INTERNET SO GOD DAMNED SERIOUSLY!!!

The internet is not real life. For God's sake, stop treating it like it is!

If I have a headache, I'm going to use FML! If I just stubbed my toe, I'm going to use FML. If I forgot to do something at work and I'm going to get written up because of it, guess what? FML. If you tell me that I can't use FML, I'm using FML.

People who actually describe "FML" to be reserved only and specifically for horrible, awful, life changing events are insane. Why would you say FML outside of the internet? Its like walking around and saying "LOL" or "WTF?" or "ROFLcopter." You don't use internet lingo in real life (unless you're hanging out with people you know from the internet in which case it can be semi-funny given the situation) so don't use real life logic on the internet.

Can you actually imagine this scenario?

"My child just died. FML."

"I just lost a limb. FML"

"I just got raped and killed. FML."

Call me crazy, I don't think those situations are really the correct place to be using "FML"

FML is the laptop keyboard, cellphone touch screen, text-speak version of "facepalming" in real life. Its a way to express "are you fucking kidding me?" without actually saying "are you fucking kidding me?" Its a way to quickly say, "God life really sucks sometimes but I'll get through this" without going into detail. Its a way to vent without being offensive.

Unless the person reading your FML starts criticizing you for using FML then I really want to FML for listening to a person like you.

If you don't want to use FML, fine. Don't. Please! But, for the love of God, don't deter someone from using humor to express themselves or aggravate someone else's frustrations by wagging an eFinger at them to tell them they're doing it wrong.

...and a Blue Phone... to beat you with

I fucking hate that commercial.

When Nationwide started its campaign with the Greatest Spokesman in the World, I thought wow... this might actually be really exciting. No joke, I was looking forward to some great writing because when The Spokesman was still chopping wood as a hermit it seemed like these commercials had a ton of potential.

Then Nationwide unleashes that piece of shit onto the world and suddenly Subway's 5 Dollar Foot Long commercial looks like it's a big budget deal and that Flo from Progressive really knows her stuff.

Even Ovechkin's commercials with Geico looked witty (see what I did there?)

So please, Nationwide, if you want me on your side you'll either get rid of your big blue-eyed, contracted monkey or rewrite this garbage. My generation deserves better.

PS: do you have a favorite commercial or one you positively loathe? Lemme know. Link it to me on Twitter or comment here on the blog. Note: If you use the eTrade Baby, you lose points because the eTrade Baby is too obviously full of awesome. "Milk-a-Whaaat?"

I'm George!

Remember that episode of Seinfeld called "The Opposite" where George gets everything he wants by deciding to do the opposite of everything he's ever done because nothing ever works out for him? Jerry always breaks even and Elaine loses her job and boyfriend:

I looked in the mirror yesterday. My hair could use a trim, I still haven't gotten my contacts replaced so I'm dependent on my glasses. Its getting warmer out so I took a gander at my closet and realized my clothes are kind of tired. I still haven't cleaned up around here because I've been too mentally, emotionally and physically exhausted to deal with it. The boyfriend and I have been "out of sync" lately. I've had a few job interviews that went pretty well but inevitably resulted in receiving a rejection letter.

I've become George!

It's as terrifying as you might think! Send help! Please!

A Hockey Fan's Plea: SHUT UP ABOUT COOKE!

Alexander Ovechkin got a 2 game suspension for this hit:

Dear Washington Capitals Fans,

LMFAO!!! Please cry tears of injustice over this. Please! I understand that Washington Capitals Fan tears cure cancer. Also, please continue to blame Matt Cooke's hit on Marc Savard for Ovechkin's penalty.

Just for the sake of argument, lets compare the two hits shall we?

WOW!

They look NOTHING alike!

One was a headshot, the other was a boarding call. One was an accident, the other was pretty intentional. One was from Matt Cooke... the other was from what the NHL has since deemed to be a "repeat offender."

No Superstar Treatment again for you.

Any hockey fan who is following the media's lead that the Ovechkin suspension is a direct result of the Cooke hit is a sheep. Worse yet, their shepherds are Doc and Edzo since it was those two jokers that originally brought up the idea that "Beeg Ruski Skoror" was on the ice when Cooke hit Savard. How else could Ovechkin have been penalized for it?

If that last part didn't make sense to you, good. It wasn't supposed to. That means you can use logic.

Another thought to ponder: why is no one talking about Mike Richards with as much passion as they're talking about Matt Cooke? David Booth got splattered across the ice and Richards didn't even get a slap on the wrist but Cooke is Satan (sans #81). I guess this just proves that Matt Cooke is better than Mike Richards at say... everything?

Except Leadership, right? Isn't it ironic how Ovechkin and Richards are captains? Don't you think?

A little too ironic... and yeah I really do think they're shitty teams.

Go ahead and blah blah blah me about how the Caps have 101 points to the Pens 87 (hi Sid) since its regular season point totals that win Stanley Cup Championships... oh wait.

Talk to me about how Sid and Geno are now marked men in Boston, like its not something they aren't already dealing with... oh wait:

Meanwhile I'll talk to you about how Macho Man Steve Downie went after Pretty Boy Ovechkin earlier this season but Pretty Boy couldn't fight for himself so Bradley had to step in for him:

1:30

Hey Steve Downie, I'm pretty sure I could beat up Ovechkin. I'm not sure why you'd waste your time stepping up to Beeg Mahn but whatever your reason, I'm sure it was Matt Cooke's fault too.

Here's an exchange I had with Kyle Roussel earlier:

kyleroussel @TSNBobMcKenzie Why can't recklessness and stupidity be the big factor instead of the result of recklessness and stupidity?

omgitsjen @kyleroussel cuz you can't prove intent unless you get those precogs from Minority Report to tell you before it happens.

kyleroussel

@omgitsjen I didn't say anything about intent; that's tough to prove. Stupid and reckless isn't

omgitsjen @kyleroussel well that's just opinion. Ask any of his fans how AWESOME he is and they'll tell you. Whats dumb to us is great to them.

kyleroussel

@omgitsjen well he is awesome...but the intelligence on the ice is sorely lacking at times. Seemingly more and more often.

omgitsjen @kyleroussel Wouldn't intelligence sort of factor into his awesome play? Great players don't leave a wake of injured players behind them.

kyleroussel

@omgitsjen He's Jeckyll and Hyde. When the puck is on his stick, he represents great hockey. When it's not on his stick...yikes.

omgitsjen @kyleroussel Touche. Unfortunately, I believe his legacy may reflect his Hyde personae but it'll depend on if he opts to mature as a person

kyleroussel

@omgitsjen In the end, IMO, we will be unable to separate both sides of him. It's why we never refer to Jeckyll without talking about Hyde.

#blamemattcooke

Matt Cooke doesn't have a wake of injured players following him around the league or a Jeckyll and Hyde duality. Matt Cooke's intelligence doesn't come into debate regarding the physical game he brings to the table every time he steps on the ice. Matt Cooke got suspended in November. He didn't get suspended again in March.

I could embed a montage of some of Ovechkin's greatest goals over this past year. I could play devil's advocate with myself and say that you know what, Ovechkin really is a great player. But great players like Lemieux and even Gretzky had too much class to take a run at someone... so unfortunately, all the "great" Ovechkin does will forever be overshadowed by how filthy a player he is.

Skip to 1:00 and 1:21 and lament with me the potential that will never be realized.

Yep, I'm Blogging About Star Wars.

Dear Mr George Lucas,

Thank you for "completing" your 6 part movie series Star Wars with the first 3 episodes some 5 years ago. As I watch them in marathon format on Spike TV tonight, I would like to just point out a couple of things I've noticed.

1) Darth Maul was a badass. He should have been killed off in a glorious style by his own mentor to be replaced as a protege by Darth Vader. Additionally, this should have happened in Attack of the Clones.

2) Boba Fett shouldn't have died in the sarlacc pit. Lando Calrissian should have. I don't care what my friend, Jake, says. Lando was a little bitch and didn't even come close to redeeming himself by the end of Return of the Jedi.

3) Hayden Christensen was a great choice as an actor for Anakin Skywalker. Anyone else that says otherwise is an idiot. No one could have pulled of "whiny, little bitch" like Hayden. Anakin was supposed to be portrayed exactly as Christensen demonstrated. If you disagree, get fucked. You didn't pay attention to the story.

4) Yoda is the undisputed champion of the series (forget Luke Skywalker) but I would have paid good money to see a fight between him and Darth Maul. Like we're talking Superbowl/Bruce Springsteen/pay-per-view level pricing. I would have taken a vacation from work, traveled 3000 miles and camped out for a week for those tickets.

5) After careful deliberation with several friends regarding Randall's argument about destroying the unfinished Death Star in Return of the Jedi, I'd have to side with the random customer. Fuck them assholes. There's better way to make money then working for a bunch of evil bastards.

6) I still don't get Amidala's make up or costumes. They looked great!! But I don't get the necessity of it all.

7) What exactly was the age difference between Amidala and Anakin because fuck that's gotta be at least what? 8 to 10 years? At LEAST?! Coooougar!

I reserve the right to add more at any time.

Sincerely,

OMGitsJen

OMG its Alexei Ponikarovsky: Speak Ukrainian to Me, Baby!

The first time I spoke to Alexei Ponikarovsky, I wanted to take him home and lock him in my basement.

That probably sounds horrible. It is horrible. Its terrible, I take it back.

No I don't.

When I first started watching the Pens around this time last year, I was shocked by how many girls thought Geno Malkin was a total hottie or how sexy Sidney Crosby is. Like listen, ok... they're both great players. They skate like sex on ice (well Sid does, Geno sort of just falls over and still manages to get a shot off while he's on his ass)! I'll concede that I have a mad crush on Max Talbot but I would never, ever puck bunny out over any them.

These puck bunnies horrified me. Not only do they commit the most atrocious sin known to sports by wearing a man's number in pink, but they dress up in glitter, too much eye makeup, skinny jeans and heels then accessorize with an oversized tote bag, like this look is really going to get Flower to notice them in section E1. Or worse yet, they put on wedding dresses and wave signs that say, "Marry Me Sidney."

I was disgusted. These women make me ashamed to be a female fan...

Then they started talking about trading Luca Caputi for Poni and my eyebrows went up so high that they came off my face.

Ponikarovsky? From the Maple Leafs? One of my other favorite teams regardless of how bad they are? Like... MY Alexei Ponikarovsky? The same guy I was sighing over after he walked away from me last year or was drooling over when I sat in the ACC's version of E1 back in January?

Immediately, it became a no brainer. Daddy Shero HAD to pick up Poni. Of course, he'd be great with Feds and Geno on the 2nd line. God DUH!! Are you guys REALLY talking about Colby Armstrong when Poni's a prospect? Get out of here you know-nothing, Poni's the man. I caught myself getting overly excited about the option of Ponikarovsky coming to the Pens and reminded myself:

I'm a fan of the sport.

Thus, I am personally offended by how hot the Ukraine Train is because I refuse to turn into a blubbering 14 year old girl when I see him on my TV, suited up at a game or ...you know maybe wandering around by himself... whatever. It's like... my god, someone turn on the AC in here or tell me to stick my head out the window. Its a menace to my fandom! This is an outrage.

But its one that I'll gladly put up with.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JEN. I GOT A LAPTOP!!!

I'm a real blogger now. That is all.