Satire, Robble Robble!!!

I found this picture on a website called emohaircutstyles.com.  So good!

It's come to my attention that I've been rather emo lately.

Cash money, honey.

One of my coworkers who is (apparently) an avid reader approached me earlier today. "Jen.  I read your blog.  Depressed much?  Jesus!"

Call a girl out while she's on her period why don't you?

Yeah I said it.  Get fucked.

Anyway, with that in mind, I was determined to come home and write something meaningful, something inspirational, something... not sad.

I grasped at straws for a few hours.  Admittedly, I'm being way over dramatic about my life lately.  Shit is not as bad as it seems.  It never is.  But God Damn if it doesn't feel like it really, truly, honestly is sometimes.  What the hell was I going to write about?

Not the Pittsburgh Penguins, that's for sure.

My best girlfriend came over and we had a hell of a bitchfest about work, boys, family, everything.  It was totally Girl Talk, we even talked about her new acrylics.  We drank beer and painted my living room pink.

Figuratively speaking.

Figuratively speaking about painting the living room pink.  We quite literally drank beer.

Anyway, in the back of my mind I was still looking for the comedic anecdote that I could share... nothing was coming to mind.

But oh!!  Here's a good one I just thought of (it really happened):

I was walking down 10th Street yesterday afternoon, made the turn onto Liberty and headed to Smithfield Street.  Halfway down the block, I get stopped by a Bum who noticed I was holding a pack of Marlboro Lights in my left had while I smoked and texted with my right (its all about multitasking).  The Bum goes, "Excuse me Miss.  Ma'am.  Excuse me, Missy Ma'am.  I was wondering if I could have a Marlboro."

I stared at him for a moment like I couldn't quite understanding that he wasn't asking me for money.  I didn't want to talk to anyone, let alone some random Liberty Ave Bum so I shoved my pack of cigarettes into his hand, "What?  Oh fuck, yeah whatever dude.  Here just take my last one, I'm quitting anyway."

I turned and continued on my way down Liberty... only to hear shouted behind me, "Awww yeah, can I quit with you?  Come on, Baby, I need some loving."

...Really Mr Bum?  Yes, yes absolutely.  You're all I've been searching for in my life.  Fucking awesome.  Can we get a cardboard box together?  Awww!!  Has any girl in history said Sure, you seem so nice, let's get it on.  Still, I always shock them when I answer, "Hi my name's Amanda."

Bonus points if you find the Not-So-Hidden Reference.

Anyway, the end.

Going back to the point I was making before I rudely interrupted myself with my own anecdote, I couldn't think of anything really great to write about...

UNTIL:

I got a follow on Twitter today from @BKB_mschroeder admittedly, no idea who this guy is.  I followed him back, said what's up and got hit in the face with this little beauty:

BKB_mschroeder @omgitsjen Yinzers Unite! but seriously i like your writing. random i know.

THAT'S RIGHT!  I got a fan!!

I totally asked him for his autograph.

I'm pretty good at being an asshole, letting a guy I don't know tell me he enjoys reading the shit I write put me in a better mood may not be the definition of "asshole" but its still a pretty great compliment.

Thanks Mike!!!